Ladies and Gentlemen...

The swirl cone is once again being served at McDonalds...verging on white trash, I'll admit, but my life is now worth living.  For years I've asked for the swirl, only to be told they only serve vanilla.  Tonight things changed.  Miracles do happen.  

touche

This morning I helped one of my moms friends with her kids combined birthday party, one was turning four and the other seven. It was a pool party and I was assigned as the "designated watcher." At first it was just a bunch of four year olds, easy right...no running, no standing on the table. But then all the seven year old boys invaded and made things complicated. The rules quickly expanded to no jumping backwards, no jumping on top of your friends when they're under water, no back flips. I ruled with an iron fist. After most kids got out of the pool there were four boys left participating in some sort of war. The pool is set up so there is a large wading area on one end and on the opposite side is a raised hot tub. Two boys were located in each area and were trying to hit the opposing team with a football. Soon, simply throwing the ball at each other was not enough and they began accompanying each throw with some fierce insult...and let me tell you, they really let their 7 year old minds get really creative. The basic namecalling included buttcrack, butt licker, crack licker, fart smeller, smelly butt...I'm sure you can keep going with this. One of my favorites was a little shimmy while running forward in prepration to throw the ball accompanied with a long howl of "buttttttracccccckkk!" However, the final decisive blow to the losing team came when one boy dramatically popped up from being underwater in the hot tub, pointed at the other two boys while bellowing, "VAAAAGGGGGINNNAAAA!" Really kid? Yes. Good call. If that doesn't shut up the other team, then I don't know what will. Touche. Hands down, you win in insults.

I thought to myself, should I interrupt this feud and tell them to watch their language, or leave that to their parents obliviously socializing around the backyard? I decided to sit back and continue watching because this was much to entertaining to stop.

honestly mills?

After a very long hiatus I am back. I would like to publicly chastise Mills, who recently left on her mission to Oakland, CA. Most people would assume that when a friend was leaving for a year and a half they would leave some way to contact them, ie post their address on Facebook or something. Or maybe let others know they were shutting off their phone service three days early, like when leaving a voicemail say, "My phone is being shut off tomorrow, so time is something we cannot borrow, call me back tonight please, my favorite food is a brick of cheese." I know, novel idea...and it even stays true to Mills rhyming form. Another idea is sending out a quick email giving friends the new blog address they made specifically for their mission...not posting it on ones already established blog only to set it to private and not invite anyone to view it. Mills failed miserably on all accounts of letting us, her trusted bff's, know how we could say goodbye or reach her once she had reported. Really Mills? Yeah. That's really the only response I can muster up with my broken heart.

As I result, I obviously did the only rational thing and mailed her a Howler. Yes, what Ron Weasley's mom sends him and Harry. For those abnormal human beings who are not familiar with Harry Potter, these little gems scream a certain message at the reciever and then proceed to eat themselves or something like that. ...Another reason Harry Potter should be a real alternate reality. Ms. Rowling was really onto something.
Although Mills is unable to read this, I'm positve my fierce Howler properly delivered my message, that I am very upset with her and our relationship is now on very shaky terms.